Someone I follow pinned something I had made. (I made all the images with my bucketlist, though it's not a bucket list, it's more of a list of talents and interests and wishlist. Also, the photo I used was stolen, from materiae, at Deviant Art, and I don't give her/him any credit, because I didn't think people would repin it.)
Anyway, I found this pin. And she hadn't pinned it from me...
Only two people pinned it from me. One has no repins, the other has 1.
That one has 10 repins.
Five has no repins
One has 1 repin, and that has no repins.
One has 2 repins, which have no repins
One has 1 repin, which has 2 repins, of which neither has repins
One has 1 repin, which has 5 repins, of which
- three has no repins,
- one has one repin, which has no repins,
- one has 4 repins, of which
--- one has one repin, which has no repins,
--- two has no repins
--- one has one repin, (in the middle of recipes... rather odd, actually... a lot of cake recipes, and then in the middle "I want to be a dollmaker!". Which probably explains why it has no repins :-D]
One has 5 repins,
of which two had no repins,
one had one repin, which had one repin, which had no repins
one had two repins, of which both had one repin. This is one of them, and this the other. Of the two repins, one had none, the other had two, but neither of those had any repins.
The last one had 11 repins... and it was on the board with over 25.000 pins... it took me three days to wade it through :-D I'm stupid :-D Or stubborn. Practically the same ;-)
Seven of them had no repins,
one had one repin, which didn't exist... had it been removed?
one had one repin, which had no repins,
one had four repins, of which 3 had none but one had three :-D, of which two had no repins and one had two repins. One of those had none, the other had one, which had two, of which neither had any.
one had two repins, of which one had one repin, which didn't have a repin, but the other had 17 repins... huh!
Of those 17, seven had no repins.
One of them had one repin, which had none.
One had two repins, and neither of them had any.
One had three repins, but none of them had any repins.
The next one had three repins also, one of them had three repins, and one of them had one repin, which didn't have any repins.
One had one repin, which had three repins, but none of them had any repins.
One had four repins, of which one had none, one had four repins, of which three had none and one had one repin, which had one repin, which had none. One had two repins, of which one had none, and the other had one, which was the one whom the one I saw had pinned hers. She and 19 others! 20 repins!
- and the last one had one repin, which didn't have any repins.
One had one repin, which didn't have any repins, which was a pity, because the lady has only one board, but over 8000 pins... that means they are all on the same board, which makes it almost as bad to go through as the 25.000 pins board.
One had one repin,which didn't have any repins.
One had one repin, which had seven repins,of which four had no repins;
one had one repin, which had no repins,
one had two repins, of which one had one repin, which had no repins; and the other two repins, of which one had one repin and the other 21... and now I'm all messed up this, because this is the same pin I saw earlier...
and the last one had four repins, of which two had none, one had one, and another had one, but neither had any repins.
While I was tracking the movements of this picture, I went through a LOT of pictures of amazing dolls... (A LOT - one board had over twentyfive THOUSAND pictures of dolls! Mostly art dolls and ball jointed dolls... 25.000!) and I get a bad conscience...
My first contact with ball jointed dolls was with Marina's Snow White. She was made 2006, so I assume that was when I found out about these dolls. I remember being so enchanted, by the detailed beauty of these dolls, their clothes, everything. Later I found out that she actually did some metalwork for the dolls too, silversmithing, like crowns, and was even more amazed.
It was 6-7 years ago.
I have been searching for information on how to do the dolls, I have been studying and looking at more inspiring images of other dollmakers, tutorials, making processes... but what I have not done, and what gives me really bad conscience when I look at these pictures of dolls, is that I haven't made a doll yet.
I have all the necessary knowledge and skills. All I need is the material and practical know-how on how to apply my knowledge and skills on materials and actually produce a real doll.
I'm an idiot :-D
My biggest problems are:
a) I can't afford putting that much work on something that is most likely not going to produce any income.
b) I'm too old to play with (and make) dolls, so I can't waste the time and materials needed on making dolls.
I AM an idiot. :-D
Because right now I'm not putting ANY work on ANYTHING (much). Nothing I do produces any income. (I'm living on benefits due to health problems.) It would be better to put the time and effort I waste on the internet in actually MAKING SOMETHING.
No-one is ever too old to do things they like.
I WANT to learn how to make BJDs, I WANT a BJD of my own. I can't afford buying one, (and the ones available are not totally to my liking either) but I am able to make me one.
The problem here is that I am a GOOD craftswoman and artist. If I ever manage to produce a doll, it will be of good quality and beautiful, and if someone would buy a doll like that, it will costs a lot of money. It simply is so that I can't afford my own work! It's like the Irish lace makers in the 18th and 19th century. Lacemakers and embroiderers couldn't afford their own work either. It's really, really sick.
I really need to get over these sick attitudes and ideas I'm harboring.
I CAN and WILL value myself enough to give myself a BJD.
I WILL love myself enough to give myself the time and materials to potter and play so that I will learn how to make BJDs.
I CAN and WILL value my husband enough to give him a hand tailored wardrobe of his own design. (And it will be magnificent!)
I also see my ideas being realized by someone else, and every now and then I get this stinge of "my ideas are running dry!" - but - I'm not doing anything! So why shouldn't the Muse go to someone else who appreciates Her gifts? :-D
Besides. Ideas are not copyrightable. Ideas are not unique. Ideas are not property. Every person's interpretation of an idea is different.